Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
