I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
