So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
