i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
