Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
