Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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