I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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