Pants 0. Shit 1.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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