the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
