I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
