this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
