she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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