I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i will never coherently bang her
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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