just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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