Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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