i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
