in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
