dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
