Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
not ubering you a puppy
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
