Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
