I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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