I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
