Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
