Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
