..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
