Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
