I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
