It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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