i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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