just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I could make wine with my vomit
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
