I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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