So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
