benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
