I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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