I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
