Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
