I wanna passion pit in your ass
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
