Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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