And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
