i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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