i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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