Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
