So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
