Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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