So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
