Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
