A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
