Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize