am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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