dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
