help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
