You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
