I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize