Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
