we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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