Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
