I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
