The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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