Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you mean i was at the winter classic?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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