I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
