Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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