THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I look excited, but its just a facade.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
