Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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