Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
