my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
