Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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