This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
