dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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