It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
