you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
