Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
