Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
