Already got asked if we're dating
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
