You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
