It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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