Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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