Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
