Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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