I want to stick my p in your. b.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
