There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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