Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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