Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My nipple is on Facebook.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
