we made out on top of his cat.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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